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Monday, June 4, 2012

Funny Tweets

When putting together Biz 1-Liners, I ran across a number of micro-bloggers on Twitter who have the ability to be funny in 140 characters or less. Here is a sample of some of their humor. Whether you find these “Re-Tweets” clever, irreverent, amusing, inappropriate, or laugh-out-loud funny ... I hope that you enjoy them as a quick break in your productive day.


So glad the new phone book arrived, because I hate texting the wrong number from the rotary phone in my Ford Model T. RT @thedayhascome

I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be. RT @yoyoha

I think the only way I'll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I'm in prison. RT @kellyoxford

I'm beginning to think the wireless mouse was invented just so there was one less thing to hang yourself with at work. RT @NotDeakins

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do" RT @NikiWithIssues

I was asked to leave the PTA because they don't consider what I do parenting.  RT @FilthyRichmond

Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge. RT @Paxochka

A friend told me there's a place like twitter called "outside" where people favorite each other by making eye contact and smiling. Unfollow. @shanenickerson

I'm rubber, you're glue. We are both very handy and have a variety of practical uses.  RT @apelad

Math joke: if you have a pizza with radius z and thickness a, it's volume is pizza (or pi*z*z*a) RT @qikipedia

Finally getting the hang of this "wake up every morning and do basically the same thing with different complaints until you die" thing. RT @KaseyAnderson

Is it normal for your right testicle to be larger than your other two? RT @bortflancrest

Change is inevitable. Unless you need it to feed the parking meter. Then it's nowhere to be found. RT @capricecrane

I don't know what Do-It-Yourself project Bono has been working on for the past 7 yrs but he must be tired of wearing those safety goggles. RT @CarrMah

I'm done learning new things until someone can prove to me that we won't have Google forever. RT @patrickmarkryan

Enough fooling around, get back to work!

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